The red lipstick has a lot to do with fat acceptance. While I've been learning about and embracing fat acceptance for almost a year, the day I started this blog (just a few weeks ago) was also the day I bought my first red lipstick. While this might not be a big deal for some, it was a big deal for me. Red lipstick was one of those things I'd longed to wear but always thought I couldn't. My teeth weren't the right color or even enough, my face was too round, I didn't know what to wear it with, I had nothing to wear it with, I didn't know how to do the rest of my makeup, my lips were the wrong shape. And besides, it was SCARY! Wouldn't everyone stare at me? Judge me?
But if there's one thing that fat acceptance has taught me is, well to accept myself. And, actually, to celebrate my unique beauty. Just because I'm not a carbon copy of the models in magazines doesn't mean I'm not beautiful. I am the biggest I've ever been but I am honestly the happiest I've ever been with my body, the most comfortable I've ever been in my own skin, and every shopping trip is a fun trip. Even when I obsessed myself down to a size 10-12 on poxed evil weightwatchers years ago, I was never really happy with my body. I still didn't have the confidence to wear the clothes I wanted to. I was terrified of the fat returning. I still didn't think I was thin enough, even though my collar bones and hip bones were visible. (On a side note, the one thing I was happy about was my fitness). But now things are different. My body has changed: I am supposed to be a big person. My mind has changed: I am a more confident person.
Something twigged that day I went to buy the lipstick. If I can rock skinny jeans as a fat girl, I sure as hell can rock red lipstick. Why the fuck not? So I bought it and I rocked it and it sure as hell put a spring in my step. Rather than being afraid, it made me happy! I first applied it in Starbucks, wore it home on the bus and didn't move my mouth in case I smudged it. I googled when I got home and found I needed lip-liner and a lip brush, went and got those too, and then went home, applied the lipstick and took 58 photos of myself. FIFTY-EIGHT. I am usually so camera shy! I wore the red lips on New Years Eve, when sitting around the house, when working on my dissertation, when I went for a freaking WALK the other day. I wonder if it's the lipstick that's given me the confidence boost or if I finally found the confidence to wear it? Is this chicken and egg? I don't know. All I know is that I am a million miles more confident now that I ever was before and the lipstick was a defining moment in becoming so.
Oh, and the lipstick? M&S Perfection Moisture lipstick in Crimson :)